Guest Blogger: Marie Olsen, MS, LCMHC, RPT
All families want their children to be happy, healthy, protected and loved. These goals can be the foundation for encompassing other family values and can help when making decisions about holding boundaries around screen time and social media use.
No matter what world you walk in – home, work, school, community, social media, etc, there are people who are aggressive, sadistic, cynical and seem to feel delight in seeing others suffer. Being prepared for conflict from these people by using self-defense can help you respond to any situation.
What is self-defense against the harmful side of social media? How can the children in your family be happy, healthy, protected and loved when there are those wanting to see them suffer on social media?
Tips for how to talk to children/youth about tough topics can follow a formula such as:
- Pick an appropriate time and place to talk
- State the facts directly and in few words
- Address potential feelings/thoughts
- Use silence for time to process and leave room for questions/comments
- Leave the topic open so your child/youth know they can talk to you about it any time
- Check in often over a span of days and beyond
An example conversation about social media concerns could sound something like this:
(Appropriate time and place) While you are driving your child/youth home from school, say,
(Brief facts) “There’s an app called Yik Yak that has been known to allow anonymous users to bully and cause harm toward others. You have to be 18 to use this app, but kids will probably find ways to download it anyway. Because it’s my job to keep you safe, we are hoping you will not use this app.”
(Potential feelings/thoughts) “You may be interested in using this app or feel worried about how it could be used to hurt kids. You may also feel annoyed that we do not want you to use this app.”
(Allow for silence) Answer any questions that come up. Calmly reflect back the feelings from any comments. Don’t argue – it won’t help! Instead reflect “You are really angry about not being able to use your phone however you want.” “That feels so unfair. You don’t like it when I interfere with your phone use.” etc.
(Leave the topic open) “I’m going to check in with you about this later and I hope you know you can talk to me about this or other stuff on other social media any time you want. I am learning about this and am really concerned with how these sites can be used to bully and hurt people.”
(Check in later) While cleaning up after dinner, ask, “Any thoughts about what we were talking about with Yik Yak?”
(Check in later) Next day, “Any kids talking about Yik Yak at school?”
(Keep checking in) The safe use of social media is an ongoing discussion toward keeping your family happy, healthy, protected and loved. You will want to continue this conversation and understanding with regular check-ins.
Additional note from the 2/7/22 Working Communities Challenge Newsletter: ”One way to speak with kids about the potential harm of social media is to review a family technology agreement. Common Sense media provides a great template for this discussion, along with many other resources for families.”
Many thanks to Marie Olsen for her willingness to help us provide some positive ideas for youth and their families as they navigate social media! Marie Olsen is a trauma-responsive mental health counselor and registered play therapist, specializing in child/family trauma and has a private practice in Morrisville. She is also a co-founder of The Community Healing Collective, promoting the healing and well-being of individuals, families, organizations and communities by providing trauma-informed, socially conscious training and treatment.